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Ranh ngôn

 
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Nguyễn Đăng Khôi
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Joined: 26 Mar 2006
Posts: 2427
Location: Khỉ ho cò gáy

PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 6:40 am    Post subject: Ranh ngôn Reply with quote

Tôi xin trình làng vài câu ranh ngôn cấp trên của tôi gởi tới cho nhân viên.   Còn xuất xứ mấy câu này ở đâu ra thì tôi không rõ.

1.             I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2.             42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

3.             A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

4.             A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

5.             If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. 

6.             All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

7.             If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

8.             When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

9.             Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

10.          Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

11.          To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 

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Nguyễn Đăng Khôi
Site Admin


Joined: 26 Mar 2006
Posts: 2427
Location: Khỉ ho cò gáy

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tôi xin trình làng vài câu ranh ngôn anh bạn đồng nghiệp gởi đến các bạn cùng sở.   Xuất xứ mấy câu này ở đâu ra thì tôi không rõ.  Nhưng chắc vì hay gởi mấy câu ranh ngôn nhảm nhí, và nhiều phần xếp đọc được câu chót, nên anh bạn này đã được sở mời về vườn. 

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. Definition of a child? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

4. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well it really chilled her mood.

5. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,there's outsourcing your job to a foreign country.

6. My best friend is so depressed. My Dr. refused to write him a prescription for ####. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

7. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite.

8. The difference between the Pope and your boss ....the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

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Nguyễn Đăng Khôi
Site Admin


Joined: 26 Mar 2006
Posts: 2427
Location: Khỉ ho cò gáy

PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cả tuần nay tôi phải làm việc túi bụi nên tôi ít có thì giờ ghé Hội Quán.  Bây giờ bắt đầu ngày cuối tuần, để xả hơi, và cũng để chia vui với quý đồng môn và quý thân hữu, tôi xin gởi đến quý vị vài câu ranh ngôn tôi mới đọc được:

Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why"?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever"

-  Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry.  I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff"

- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills.  If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life"

- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for the federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body"

- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country"

- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.  We are the president"

- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That low-down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it"

- A congressional candidate in Texas

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.   There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selffishly trying to keep it for themselves"

- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental"

- Philadelphia Phillies Manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.   It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it"
- Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California.  I practically grew up in Phoenix"
- Dan Quayle

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another"

- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves.  How much clean air do we need?"
- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth.  I assisted in furthering that version"
- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.  A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein"

- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

"We don't necessarily discriminate .  We simply exclude certain types of people"

- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure"

- Bill Clinton, US president

"We are ready for an unforseen event that may or may not occur"

- Al Gore, vice president

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas"

- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away.  May God bless you.   You may re-apply if there is a change in your circumstances"

- Dept of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.   And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record"

- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

"If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees, we wouldn't have a problem with forest fires"

- George Bush 

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